Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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