We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
