ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
