How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
