I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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