capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
