operation have a gay friend backfired
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
