They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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