JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
