I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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