dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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