shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
