I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
