I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How's work?
Spinning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
