I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
