ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
