So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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