dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
