She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
