That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
