Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
