If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
