just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
