I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
