So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
