hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
