and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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