Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
