we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
