I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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