just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
