I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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