My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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