Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You're my little dorito
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
