well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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