just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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