I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
