He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
