I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
