you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
