She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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