my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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