how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
