He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
