I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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