fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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