his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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