I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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