she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
