he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I will pee on everything he values.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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