Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We left the knife in your bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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