the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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