Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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