I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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