how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
