It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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