She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
