Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
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Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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