We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
