Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
