I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
