YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
too bad you live with your parents still
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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