on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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